freedom

Why you gotta be so STRONG?

It is a powerful resource to be strong. To hold it together when things get crazy. But what happens when that is your default, the way you are all the time? What happens when you have to be strong every minute of every day? In this video I talk a little about how being strong can sometimes affect our relationships.

If you would like to talk about how your need to be strong, or anything else, may be affecting your life reach out to me for a free consultation.


Happiness

What does it take to be happy? We are conditioned to believe that happiness comes from outside of us. That we will be happy when.... or if..... 

We rarely come from a place of I will be happy in spite of....

I challenge you to find happiness right where you are, in this moment, in spite of what may be going on in your life. 

Letting go of Relationship

In this video I talk a little about letting go of my relationship. This is something I have never really done. The part of me that longs for connection and love, has never allowed me do this. It has held on so tight to all strong connections I have felt. I get to notice that this part has held on so fiercely because it was afraid of being without love and connection. Here I get to show that part of me all the love and connection I do have and allow it to let go of the past. This “letting go” is new for me. It signifies change, which is good, and it comes with growing pains. I get to honor ALL of the feelings that come up and move through them with grace and respect, instead of running and stuffing them. I know that as I move through this next stage of grief, I will have greater freedom by not clinging desperately to a skin that no longer fits, and for that I am grateful. 

The Path to Living Your Best Life

image1.jpeg

We each have our path of healing. The path that brings us to live our fullest and best life. And that path, it will be different for each of us. The things that may work for one may not work for another, or perhaps the timing is not quite right. I believe that we each have an inner knowledge of the path best suited for ourself, and when we learn to quiet the noise and listen we can find that path. 


I wanted to share a bit about a friend of mine; one who I have watched on the path to living his fullest and best life. 

Many, many years ago I was working in a bar in San Francisco, when I met Austin Lucas. I was managing and bartending and he worked the door. He was a musician that one of our coworkers nicknamed Buttercup. My strongest memory of him was of us hanging out and him playing and singing the song “I saw red” by Warrant.

Fast forward 3 lifetimes to September 2014.

I am not sure what made me think of him, but I typed his name into the facebook search engine, and we connected. About a year later he was going to be playing a show here in Brooklyn, so I took a shift off of work to see him. At the time, taking a shift off of work was a big deal. I remember thinking I needed to allow myself to have more fun, and not let money and work rule my life. It only took 4 years for that lesson to really sink in. haha.

Watching him play was surreal. I remember being blown away by how beautiful and powerful his voice was, so different than I remembered. We were kids (early 20’s) when we met, and now he was a man. A man that had lived a lot of things in his lifetime. He had loved, lost, hurt, thrived, and struggled. He was a long lost friend, and we still had a powerful friendship after so much time.

He shared with me a little about the dissolution of his marriage and how he had stopped drinking, because it compounded his already difficult depression. Over the next few years I met up with him when he played in town and we shared stories of our lives. He never said so, but it was clear that he was on the journey to live his best life; he had changed his eating habits, started a working out, took up Muay Thai, started taking anti-depressants, let go of a relationship that was no longer supportive to his growth, and start playing with a band again.

It seems as if I saw him in between most of these changes, and I was able to notice the shifts each time we connected. We never spoke about all the work it took to make the decisions and stick to them. We never talked about how many times in the past he had tried to make these changes. We never talked about all the times he had to shut down the voices and noise in his head that tried to get him off track. We never talked about the darkness that came before each of these decisions. But I know Austin is human, and just like the rest of us he went through these things. I also know that Austin is strong, and somehow through everything he has been through, the world around him, and the noise inside of him, he was able to listen to that part of him that is fighting for his greatest good, his best life.

The other night I was lucky enough to see him live again. We didn’t have too much time to catch up before the show, so I can honestly say that I had no idea what his day was like, or what was going on in his head and heart before the show, but I can say that he brought to his audience the man he is supposed to be. I can barely remember the kid with his guitar singing I saw red, because the man he has become is powerful, fluid, open, JOYFUL, dedicated, funny, open, self assured, loving. I feel lucky to call this man my friend, and I look forward to staying connected as he continues to follow his path towards his best life.

Austin Lucas has punk rock roots. He has been playing country music for many years, and has recently started playing with his band The Bold Party, bringing a good time rock’n’roll vibe to his songs. You can check him here https://www.austinlucas.com/

If you would like some support quieting the noise so that you may hear what your heart is guiding you towards, reach out for a free consultation. If you have an internet connection, we can work together.

The money conversation (part 3-freedom)

IMG_5929.jpg

So often when we think about a problem that we are having, all we see is the surface. We don’t actually understand that most of our problems are caused by a spiderweb of interconnected threads. My issues around my debt and money carried threads from every aspect of my life. My money conversation, and the issues around getting into, and out of debt was multi layered.

  1. I was in debt for 20 years, although I was actually really good with money

  2. I felt massive shame around my debt.

  3. I was afraid, ashamed to ask for help.

  4. I would keep my word, even if it meant I would suffer.

  5. I was a money hoarder, I had to be prepared for the worst. Be in control.

  6. I was scared to spend my real money on anything I had not planned and saved for. Control.

  7. I tied my debt and the shame that went with it to the joy, spontaneity, and creativity in my life.

You can read more about this in the Money Conversation part 1, and part 2.

Little did I know that I still had more work to do. After all of this realization and growth, I plugged away, I worked mostly 6 days a week. I sold some of the photo equipment that got me into debt in the first place. I let go of a lot of things that I bought because I thought I needed them to “be a photographer,” or to be happy.

But, I was still hiding. Everything in my life became about “When I am out of debt, then I can…” It was no longer, “I need this in order to do this,” but it was the same story. Does that story sound familiar? Maybe yours goes something like this: “I will be happy when….”, or “If I have this thing, my life will be good”

I still did not do anything spontaneous, fun, or creative. It became: I will do those things once I when I’m out of debt. Then, It was going to happen. End of February 2019! That was going to be the day I would be out of debt! Mid February I did my taxes, and instead of owing $800 like I thought I would I owed $5500. I was devastated. That would set me back 6 months, or so I thought.

Its funny though, how when you’re really doing the work to deal with the underlying causes of your problem, the shifts come faster and with more clarity. It was the end of March, and I was still working way too much, I was thinking that even when I had the money, that I would work hard to save a cushion so that I would be okay, there’s that CONTROL thing again. But, I was tired, tired of my excuse that I had to work, that I had to make money, that I couldn’t do anything fun.

So, I got up off my ass and took a look at my bank accounts. I pulled an envelope of money that I had set aside for something else, and I realized I had enough! There would be no cushion, but I could do it…and I was going to do it! I was tired, tired of putting off what I could do now because of some fear or some story: the fear of not having enough, the fear of not having a cushion, tired of “I can live my life when this happens”, tired of running from opportunity, joy, and freedom. I always used money, debt and work as an excuse not to do things. I didn’t want to face the parts of me that were scared to take risks. But I was ready, I was ready to let go of these parts of me.

I’m sure this break with my old self will be messy at times, and those parts of me will rear their heads, but now I know better. Now I know those old stories are coming up out of fear, and that opportunity is right in front of me. Freedom requires a willingness to choose something different than than I had in the past, and a willingness to live in the present.

If you would like to work with me on creating freedom, schedule a free phone consultation with me here: